How to Deal with A Bad Father – 5 Things to Do Right Now

How to Deal with a Bad Father

Not all of us are lucky enough to have the best relationship with our father. I know I’m not. There are many things to do and to know about dealing with a bad father and I have learned them through the years of living with him.

It’s hard living with such a close family member that treats you so poorly. We value our parents opinions often times more than our friends’ opinions. In fact, 79% of kids value their parent’s opinions more than their friends’.

However, that doesn’t mean you should be taking on negative influence from your father. Here are 5 ways to deal with a bad father:

 

Identify the Problem

Figure out what makes him such a bad father. It could be that he drinks too much, he yells too much, he is dangerous, etc.

He is a bad father that can have a negative influence on you directly so keep that in mind. Everyone will have a different response to this part of the process, so figure out exactly what it is and fixing the problem will be a lot easier.

Identify your problem with it as well. Are you scared of him or do you just not want his influence?

Avoid the Negativity

Whether it’s staying away from them at all costs or minimizing communication as best as possible, you need to try and keep the influence off of you.

The more you’re allowing influence on yourself, the more it will turn you into him. Use that as motivation to make sure that you take this step.

If you can see this step being very difficult because you know it might make things worse, I completely understand because I go through the same thing.

The one thing I can tell you is that it dramatically decreased the influence my father had on me. That was more important to me than being controlled by his influence.

Related Post: How to Avoid Negativity in Your Life

Find Things to Do

The less you can be home, the better. Period.

I started going out with friends more on the days that he wasn’t working and would be home. I found other hobbies that could keep me occupied. Not only did it keep me occupied, but it took my mind off the situation entirely.

Do what you love more and more to keep your mind off of the problem.

Turn it Positive

I decided that I could just associate this difficulty at home to motivation for other things. Just like point #3, one of the hobbies I picked up because of this was fitness.

Working out takes my mind off of it and it motivates me to push harder at the gym. I would be lying if I said my father isn’t one of the reasons I started this blog. I’m always looking for ways to improve my life and occupy myself with other things.

Motivate yourself to make money as well so that way you can move out and away from the negative things at home.

Related Post: 7 Easy Ways to Lift Your Mood

Talk to Someone About It

It might not help fix the issue, but it might help fix your head. I would talk to my older brother about him all the time and we would even make jokes about how he acted to ease the pain.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be a sibling or close family member. Talk to a trusted friend or professional that you know would listen, care, and be there for you. You can also talk to yourself through writing or typing it out, it helps a lot.

Another person I think you should talk to is…ME. I didn’t start this blog or write this post for nothing. I want you to have someone to share things with that are as deep as this. Everyone should feel comfortable to talk in this blog. Talk it out in the comments and you’ll realize that you’re not the only one.

 

Real Talk is a great section of the blog so we can talk to each other about things that your family or friends don’t have time to talk about. If you have any comments, questions, or suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments sections below.

Have a tip you use to deal with your father? Let us know in the comments section so we can learn together!

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10 comments
  1. I am a grandmother dealing with a very toxic ex son in law. He is constantly berating my grandson for being fat. He is only 10.He was raised by his grandmother because his grandparents were addicts. I see this hurting my grandson but do not know how to address his dad. Help

  2. Hi Julia! Thank you for sharing your situation.

    It’s very unfortunate to hear that your grandson is being berated like that. You have already taken the best step which is moving him out of the negativity.
    I would consider having your grandson seek professional help from a therapist who can actually assess his specific situation.

    Sometimes, there is no way to change others (like your ex son in law) and the best thing to do is to cut them off temporarily until your grandson is in a better condition to communicate with him. Again, professional help will probably be your best bet since the situation differs for everyone.

    Hope this helps!
    Take Care

  3. My father is very emotionally abusive. He is jobless and always sits at home and shouts at everyone with the sole reason of proving his dominance over the family. Earlier he even used to beat my mum but she won’t leave him due to social pressure. He disrespects us everywhere and fights and try to take away all of my mother’s earning. I don’tknow how to deal with him

  4. Hi Aanchal,

    Thanks for sharing and I’m sorry to hear that.

    Although there might not be much you can do about him, there are a few things you can for yourself:

    – Remove yourself from the situation when you can
    – Have a safety plan in place in case things get even worse
    – Seek therapy/counseling to help you cope with the situation

    Best of luck!
    Daniel

  5. My father always yells and verbally abuses me. When I was a kid, I remember he used to hurt me which thankfully has stopped when I was in high school. I had a lot of recognition ceremonies as a child and he was never there. The only time he was there was for my high school graduation because I begged my mom to make him attend. He never made it through half of the ceremony and he alreafy left. I helped in taking care of him when he had a stroke when I was in high school as well. Whenever I speak my mind and tell him how bad I feel about what he did, he would always tell me that I have no sense of gratitude since he raised and fed me my whole life. I’m 19 and he still continues to vwrbally abuse me and my siblings from time to time. Whenever I avoid him, he forces me to rekindle our relationship and I have to pretend that I agree. If I don’t do what he says, I am percieved as disrespectful and an ungrateful daughter. What can I do to cope up?

  6. Hi Angela,

    Thanks so much for sharing your situation and I’m sorry to hear about that.

    Keeping distance is always the first step because as long as you’re around him, you’ll always continue to feel the same things. If you can move out, do it (even if that means you have to call him once in a while).

    I also recommend seeking therapy for professional aid or at least having someone important in your life that you can talk to about the situation.

    Focus on yourself when you can and find a way to turn that negativity into a positive (like working out or hanging out with friends). Hopefully after putting these tips into place, you will be able to cope.

    Hope this helps. Best of luck!
    Daniel

  7. Hi. My father comes home after a high-stress job and does 1 of the 4 things. Goes downstairs and drinks beer and doesn’t bother anyone, comes homes, and yells at my mom for something she has no control of. very rarely is he in a good mood. Or goes completely berserk. He will go around looking for things to scream at you and it can last for a whole day. it’s not as bad as some of the others but on some days he’s super scary. He flipped a table once onto my mom’s head at dinner.

  8. Hi Matt,

    I’m sorry to hear that and I know exactly where you’re coming from. My father was similar in many ways.

    I hope the tips in the article help set you on the right direction in dealing with this. Additionally, seeking therapy might also be a great option if the case is severe enough.

    Take care,
    Daniel

  9. Hi! Am Michael from Nigeria …..well my father used to work in an oil company(shell) I don’t know if you’ve heard of it but that’s where he works and 2 years back he left the job now he just sits at home and yells and throws his frustration at us….and am the first and only son of his but he doesn’t treat me like so….he even brought a woman into home when my mom was at work….and he has a really bad character pride and all that…I really need your help and advice

  10. Hi Michael,

    I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I’m sure it’s extremely difficult to deal with.

    I would recommend talking to someone you can trust about the issue and ask people that are close to him for help. On top of this, try to find a time when he’s calm and tell him that you’re worried about his recent behavior. Starting a conversation with him can really help. Just make sure you have other trustworthy people around you when you talk to him. Best of luck!

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